0 Paris isn't...

 Paris isn't all wine and pots of muguet for your balcon ya know...

 1rst things first.
Get a Brita water purifyer.
Paris water is full of calc. It will stain every bit of the cuisine/kitchen. Get some white vinegar to get rid of the marks!

 You don't want to have to load up on non-green bouteille de plastique oui?

 Your 'bedhead' hair won't much care for Paris water no matter how in love you are. No wonder all the hairdressers in this town!

 Paris layers - don't we love the way Parisians layer on those scarves and pulls. There's a method to their madness. Be prepared to strip off your morning clothes by noon. Then put them back on again for evening. And for Gawd's sake follow the weather report.

 If you're dying to live in Paris learn to love map reading and I don't mean chocolate maps!

 Start boning up on politics.

You have a lot of catching up to do.

 Paris adores New York.

Meh

Why oh why?

Just accept.

c'est la vie.

 Paris LOVES lollie pops/sucettes!

Pourquoi?

Qui sait?

But you'll find them at all price points. These jazzy jaguar numbers were in La Grande Epicerie and I don't like to think what they cost. Stick with Chupi Chups at 39 centimes a pop (no pun intended).

 Temptation lurks on every coin/corner in Paris. Here at Georges Larnicol kouign Amann in 18 flavors at the very least.

 Or creme puffy wonders at Ble sucre.

maim maim

 For every tempting morsal Paris offers up there is (for balance) reminders at Bus stops...oh everywhere to watch/control your ligne/figure.

 Wanna live in Paris?

Learn to love lapin/rabbits.

 And poule/chickens - this chick belongs to Chef Marthe.

 Find your inner child.

Paris may be the goofiest town on the planet.

Get SILLY!

 Learn to LOVE Coca!

 Loving stripes is easy.

 And loving red.

Red shoes = perfection with all-black

 But bring shoes with traction for wet cobblestones.

 READ ALL THE RULES!

There are many in Paris.

 Guard your key/cley.

Wear it at all times on your person.

 Losing your cley can cost and arm and a leg and much ire from the rentor/guardien. I know someone who locked herself out THREE times! The key was hanging inside the door. Easily $300 bucks a pop to open her door.

Pas Bon!

 Paris dogs are a joy. No complaints in this area.

Letting in the morning fresh air in your little place is cool too. I suppose Paris isn't so bad...